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What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

Last Updated: 27.06.2025 07:49

What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

Would this be the day?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

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I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

What was something you did naughty with your cousin?

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

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I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Why did i forgive my father ?

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What did i know ?

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

When she asked me how she looked .

Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Are there any penalties for bestiality in the USA and laws prohibiting it?

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

But ive been too sick for many years..

(And it was in our own minds.)

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I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Ive learnt so much.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

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You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Has anyone experienced an out of the body experience, as a child, years before you had ever heard the term or understood the implications?

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

Put me off passion for life!!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

Who then, do I blame.?

Comes on , in middle age.

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I will be 64.

I write beautiful poetry .

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

He resisted the act ,that day.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

My life is so biszare .

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I couldn’t, believe it.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I have no regrets .

I don,t even have a pension.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

Especially a lifetime of it.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

And i lived it daily.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

I had hoped to write a book about this .

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

We were not on the streets..

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

As i do to all so called friends.?

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

This is soul school!.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Im still living with it.

She married twice! .

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

She loved him until the end.

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

So whats the point in blame.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

My family never makes their pension either.

He knew the spot.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I was seconnd youngest,

She was in good health!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

I was very sick at this time too.

We all went to grammer schools

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

I did it because my mum asked me too!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

She wouldn,t have been !

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

I was scared of men, in general

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

I never cut or harmed myself..

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

She found it foreign!.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

One cannot live in the past .

Where the ultimate outsiders.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

It was going to be , some day.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

I waited trembling.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

But, we were locked up after school.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

They are buried together, in the same grave..

So, i spoilt her more .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I could never make a relationship work though!

Was to survive, this bastard.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was 9 years of age.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

But it wasn’t much.

I think the readers, may guess!

All the time i was locked up.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

I said to her

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!